Y for Yin and Yang

The dictionary meaning of Yin and Yang stands as two complementary forces that come into play to balance and create something bigger and better. When I began writing this school admission series, I had mentioned the protagonist as my 3.6 yr old son Tuneer along with Sr. T and me as the supporting cast. Through the last twenty-four posts, I have written about our experiences and emotions related to this phase. Today’s post is dedicated to those who bring equilibrium to Tuneer’s life filling it with joy, love, affection and protect him from those who might be the reasons for stress and undue pressure (yeah me!).  Introducing his lifelines –

Tuneer with his family - paternal grandma, paternal grandpa, father, maternal grandpa and mother (l to r)
Tuneer with his family on his 2nd birthday – paternal grandma, paternal grandpa, father, maternal grandpa, and mother (L to R)

1. Babai aka his father –

I have an exclusive post dedicated to this man and his adorable equation with the kid. Yet I need to reiterate the fact that the boy had the maximum escapade from my scoldings because of his father. According to him, there’s nothing that the boy could do wrong. It didn’t matter if the boy refused to answer any question, showed no interest in picking up English or denied his knowledge about my name. His standard reply to any exasperated statement of mine went as “But he’s such a sweet boy”. The apple of his eye is getting so sweet every day (read naughty) that I’ve started fearing for our enhanced blood sugar level (read stress).

2. Dadai aka his paternal grandfather –

Until Tuneer was born, I had always been a favorite of my father-in-law. He was more supportive of my decisions than those that were taken by his son. Equations changed between us the day he became a grandfather. His unconditional support towards his only grandson exceeds all limits. He refuses to listen to anything against the ‘innocent’ child. He was the toughest to convince about the interview preparation. As per him, any school that considered English speaking skills to be a selection criterion for nursery admissions deserves to be trashed by every single parent. According to him the fact that Tuneer could answer his name and recite a rhyme should have convinced every interviewer about his intelligence level. No amount of argument could convince him otherwise.

3. Dadan aka his maternal grandfather –

Growing up, I was always a hardcore Daddy’s girl. While he gave wings to my dreams through his unconditional support, there were certain things that went beyond his tolerance. For instance, he disapproved of my habit of scribbling on anyone’s hands. If I ever tried to draw a line on his hands, I would be at the receiving end of a long lecture on the harmful effects of lead in ink. Surprisingly, there were no such restrictions imposed on the boy. Tuneer could draw a star, a smiley or just such random lines on his hands and arms and get an encouraging smile in return (Talk about being biased). While he motivated the boy to learn new things, he also sheltered him whenever I went overboard with the preparation. If I ever expressed annoyance at the boy’s lack of willingness to co-operate, embarrassing stories from my own childhood were dug up. I still get advice on how raising a child requires a lot of patience and tolerance (two qualities that I lack).

3. Dinna aka his paternal grandma –

I call her the most balanced individual in our family. She’s a hardcore supporter of her grandson but she also has a diplomatic way of handling my emotions. Whenever a situation arises that puts the boy at risk of my wrath, she magically appears out of the thin air and manages to distract me with completely irrelevant topics like the menu for lunch or the launch of new books by my favorite authors.  By the time we get to the end of this conversation, she would have disappeared without a trace with the boy in tow. For six months, if I ever complained to her about the boy troubling me with the interview preparations, she always had an answer like “That is true but he’s such a darling. Very rarely children turn out to be as sensible as Tuneer. That is why you don’t even need to scold him” (emphasizing the fact that he didn’t deserve to be scolded). During the interview season, she was the one absorbing most of the stress in the household.

Tuneer with his family - father, maternal grandpa, paternal grandma, paternal grandpa and mother (l to r)
Tuneer with his family on his 3rd birthday – father, maternal grandpa, paternal grandma, paternal grandpa and mother (L to R)

4. Mummum aka his mother –

If the above three could be labeled as his yang, I could definitely be termed as his yin. As the less favored, more strict, and most stressed parent, my role in his life ranged from chiding, making him brush his teeth, feeding him something beyond poori and chocolates and coaxing him to drink water (generally meant to be spilled on the floor). For the past six months, it also included pleading with him to learn a few English words, open his mouth in the interview and not contribute to the creation of further embarrassing situations. The stress shifted from getting selected in a school of our choice to his settling down in the new school. Two weeks back, I was worried about him crying at the gate of his school. In the middle of last week, he suddenly grew up and agreed to the idea of going with his batchmates in a pool car all by himself. While there was a sense of relief and happiness, I couldn’t help but shed tears at the thought of my boy growing up so fast (conflict of emotions is a reality of parenthood).

We survived through this turbulent phase of admissions with the boy occupying the spotlight while his supporting cast acted as his yan and yang. In this month-long recap series, I ended up feeling amused at my own reactions (or rather overreactions) to situations related to the admission processes. I had always been under the impression that I was way too chilled out to be bothered by such mundane things in life.

Strangely, motherhood seemed to have brought out traits in me that I never thought existed in reality. And that brings us to the last person of the family who is not physically present with us anymore but lives in my heart and soul forever. -Tuneer’s Dimma aka his late maternal grandmother. Growing up, I had eventually turned out to be a difficult and headstrong child. Whenever Ma failed in convincing me to act as per her wish, she retorted to the emotional route through her statements as, “You will realize the emotions of a mother only after you become one.” I ended up laughing at them most of the times. I am quite sure that if anyone had enjoyed this phase of roller coaster ride for the past six months, it would have definitely been my mother sitting in her heavenly abode and having a hearty laugh whispering ‘I told you so’.

This piece happens to be the second last post in this series. I hope you had a good time reading this. I will be back with my last post on ‘Z’ tomorrow. You could catch up on reading all the previous posts here.

Author: Sonia Chatterjee

Who am I? An erstwhile banker turned blogger/writer/author. Any qualifications? A Post-Graduate degree in Chemistry followed by a second Post-Graduate Diploma in Management. I completed a one-year MFA in creative writing course from the Writer's Village University, U.S. in Dec 2020. Though I must admit that I am still trying to figure out how and when I can connect all these dots. Have I done any real work? If two years in market research, six years in banking as a branch head, three-plus years of blogging, writing, and publishing a book can be considered as real work, then yes! Where do I live? After spending life like a nomad for sixteen years in Delhi, Bangalore & Mysore, I am back to where it all started from - Kolkata. My favorite things - Books, coffee, travel, food, and my five-year-old son. What is this blog about? Through Sonia's musings, I intend to explore writing in various genres, create social awareness, spread laughter, and give words to emotions. Anything for readers? You can check out my book 'Deal of Death' on Amazon Kindle. If you like fast-paced thrillers, this Detective fiction introducing the woman sleuth, Raya Ray could turn out to be your perfect weekend read.

58 thoughts on “Y for Yin and Yang”

  5. The ‘Yin’ and ‘Yang’ complete a child’s life – and in today’s world – I think the mom seems to be ‘Yin’ in most homes…:) enjoyed reading the series, all the best to Tuneer! 🙂

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  6. I loved this post Sonia. I’ve been reading about each of these important players in Tuneer’s life, through your series, and it was lovely to meet them properly here. He’s one lucky fellow (thoo thoo thoo- as we Punjabi’s say to ward off nazar!).
    On another note, I just want to say you remind me so much of one of my closest friends! Would love to meet you some day.

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  8. Loved this post Sonia, so now in between all the balancing act from the Yangs and Yins, little Tuneer has started going to school, admission saga is over,has learned few English words too and his new chapter has started which will again make you more of a Yin and for that he will seek an escape to his Yangs 🙂 Motherhood does bring out unique traits in us, I enjoyed this post a lot.

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    1. Thank you so much Priyanka for reading and sharing your thoughts. It has been a pleasure to read your comments and I must tell you that you inspire me to be a better version of myself.

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    1. I have taken a screenshot of your comment to preserve it forever. On days of self doubt, I’m going to read this and tell myself that if a writer of your caliber says so, I must get back to my writing again. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. They mean a lot to me.

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  10. Loved reading about the support system behind Tuneer. I must tell you that he has an amazing family starting with his parents who dote on him while making sure that he is disciplined too (well not always :)) I have enjoyed this series and the range of issues that you’ve raised. Good luck to Tuneer and to you as well.

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  11. So much of cuteness. Grandparents can love the child without being logical, everything the child does is innocence and cute. Tuneer is blessed to be surrounded by so many special people who love him more than themselves.

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  12. Yet another of my favorite posts of your series! Thank you for introducing us to the family, Sonia, and with so much warmth and love that too. You all sound like a wonderful family and Tuneer is a lucky boy to be amongst people who love him (and sheild him) so much. As for you, Sonia you are going GREAT as a Mom!

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  13. Oh, it’s lovely that Tuneer has so many people to fall back on including you. Well after all grandparents are always there for their grandchildren. I guess until we don’t become mothers we don’t realise the importance of mothers. Same is the case with grandparents, we have to be one to realise this grand relationship.

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  16. What a lovely coincidence, I have written on the same theme today – Balancing the life’s act with Yin and Yang. Having brought among such driven forces in family, a kid will have his own independent perspective and best childhood. The balance these elders bring in life, is a blessed feeling.

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    1. See even our post titles have started matching. Jokes apart, thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts Dipika. Knowing you has been one of the best things that happened to me in this challenge.

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  19. How lucky Tuneer is to have this entire army of supporters, looking after him, showering him with their unconditional love and pampering him no end!
    Cute family pics, Sonia! And, it feels so good to be reading your lovely posts! WIll catch up on the remaining posts slowly and steadily.

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    1. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts Shilpa. I hope things are much better at your end now. You have always been a huge source of inspiration for me and I know our relationship is much more than these challenges.

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  23. Tuneer is so blessed and so are you all as a family! Reading your posts have given me a perspective about motherhood. The selfies are great and give a glimpse of your joyous world. God Bless!!
    I have also grown up hearing from my grandmother and mother – ‘You will realize what it means to be a mother only after becoming one’. I even wrote about it in one of my posts. Enjoy the journey and don’t worry.
    Read my Y post here Yoga Dhyan Pranayam

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  24. My heart feels mushy and squishy right now ❤ This was a post so full of love and longing, and you wrote it with so much feeling. Also, great take on the letter Y!

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  26. I am with you and can understand your stress. Your post made me go back to year 2013 when I was filling up school forms and running pillar to post to secure an admission for Aanya. How many sleepless nights I must have spent. Glad you have your family to extend support and watch your back. Makes difficult times more tolerable. 😊

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